Hello from Bali! 🙂
We are having the time of our lives as we celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary on the other side of the world! Cannot wait to share all about it with you in future blogs, you can follow along with my Instagram stories to catch some of the highlights!! Thankful to have some incredible women guest blogging for me while I am away. Even though I am not currently a mom, this really spoke to my heart and I hope it does the same for you! Without further ado, here is Kim Strobel, a Happiness Coach!!
Motherhood and Happiness—You CAN Have Both!
Recently I was chatting about my upcoming live happiness event with a couple of ladies in a local store. One of the women was my age, the other a young mother. The younger of the two seemed perplexed about my happiness event.
“What is happy?” she asked me. She explained that with two children aged 2 and 3 (and all of the things that come with motherhood), she’d become completely disconnected from her happiness. She no longer knew who she was outside of picking up toys, changing diapers, grocery shopping, and cooking.
She told me, “I hate to admit it, but I’m sad at times that this is my life, and then I feel super-guilty about feeling sad, because I’m supposed to enjoy this time in my life.”
This is a familiar feeling for moms of all ages. You might’ve experienced some of those feelings yourself. Or maybe you’re not a mom yet, but worry about “losing yourself” when you do take the plunge into parenthood. Or perhaps you just wonder how you can best show your support to moms you know. Regardless of where you are in life, I think what I told this young mother just might speak to you, too …
Of course you feel sad at times! Being a mom is an amazing thing—and a really tough job. But as moms, we’re taught to keep the tough stuff to ourselves. We’re supposed to tell everyone else how wonderful it is being a mom, that life is perfect, maybe even do a little bragging about all of the things we do with and for our kids. (Who among us hasn’t seen those Supermom posts on Facebook? And then immediately been hit by a wave of guilt at our own supposed deficiencies?)
We feel guilty about everything! We feel guilty because we have to work, and we don’t have as much time to give to our children. We feel guilty when we choose cleaning the kitchen over playing a game of Candyland. Or we opt for sitting in front of the TV rather than reading one more story. Or we feed our kids McDonald’s several times in one week because we just don’t have the time and energy to turn on the stove.
We feel guilty that we are never doing enough for our kids.
It shouldn’t be that way. And it doesn’t have to be that way if we just get real and start speaking the truth. Recognizing that it’s possible to be a mom and take care of yourself is the only true path back to happiness. It’s what’s best for you and your children!
I love my son, Spencer. I love him in a very deep and overwhelming way. The luckiest day of my life is the day I became pregnant with him. He has brought me joy, meaning, and purpose. He truly is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
But I do not always love being a mom. And that’s OK. Because being a mom is hard. Changing diapers, helping with homework, picking up toys, breaking up fights—it’s a tiring job. It’s a job that can hurt, too, especially as kids get older. It’s not fun to lie awake at night, waiting and hoping for your teenager to get home safely. It’s hard to watch them make mistakes as they navigate the world of growing up.
So, how do you get happy in the face of all that? First, you have to realize that you have a RIGHT to be happy. There’s an older generation of moms out there that feels angry, resentful because no one ever taught them it was OK to take time for themselves. They felt their job was to cater to everyone else’s needs—and accept only scraps and leftovers in return. That’s just the way it was.
But we know better now. We know we have to value ourselves enough to not just give, give, give. We must TAKE sometimes. After all, do you really want your children to grow up seeing Mommy always doing for others and never putting herself first. Or do you want them to know that Mommy loves herself enough to sometimes do things that are just for her?
Me? I want my son to understand the huge responsibility that being a mom is. I want him to know that it’s sacrifice and hard work—and so much joy. And I want him to know that as much as I love him, I also love myself. That I have interests and passions that have nothing to do with being a mom.
Bottom line: The best moms are happy moms. So, if you want to find out how you can reclaim your happiness and get back to being your best you, I hope you’ll take a much-deserved night off, and join me at my live event. You owe it to yourself and your kids.